Meet the Ponies
by awesomesauce4
Summary: "Here's a touchin' story..." After an experiment gone wrong, Twilight, Pinkie and Rainbow find themselves in 2Fort. Meanwhile, the Pyro goes the other way and lands in Equestria.
1. Chapter 1

**Meet the Ponies**

**A/N: In this story, the Pyro is male. I know there is a debate as such, but I chose male.**

**Chapter 1 – The Lonely Pyro**

Pyro reclined in his office chair, staring at all his expensive stuff, and thinking about all the money he had. Then he snapped out of his daydream. He was sitting in the Intelligence Office of 2Fort, staring at the walls which he would soon be running through, his trusty flamethrower at his side. He had no money to speak of, living off of welfare checks from Team Fortress Industries. And, as usual, he had arrived very early to the battlefield.

In fact, he had arrived last night by express truck. Then he had set up his small bed, and slept fitfully through the night, dreaming his usual dreams: That time he set the orphanage on fire. That time he set his birthday cake on fire. That time he set his neighbors on fire. Pyro kind of wished he didn't dream about the bad parts of his life. Then again, there weren't many good parts. He set about polishing his flamethrower and mask, whistling a small tune he remembered. Today was a good day: Meet the Pyro was soon to be released! Hopefully it would show how cool and nice he was, right? In fact, he thought he had heard that the Medic had previewed it.

Pyro found the desk phone, which was on the desk. In fact, it was nailed to the desk. Pyro picked up the receiver and dialed the Medic's number. The Medic was also one of the few who could understand him through his mask, though why this was was completely unknown to the Pyro. "Ugh… Hello? I am in ze middle of something," the Medic answered. "(Hi Medic! How was Meet the Pyro?)" Pyro asked. "Pyro?! Oh dear… Er, maybe it is best I… save ze surprise for… Later," finished Medic, immediately hanging up. Pyro was confused, but thought to himself "I must look really spectacular in the trailer if he can't tell me anything about it!" Pyro often acted childlike, preferring candy and treats to normal food, unless it was hamburgers. He _loved_ hamburgers. In fact, he had once sold the rights to his name and face to a restaurant called "Pyro's Hamburgers", only to find that TF Industries had bought the restaurant. Oh well. He wondered what would have happened if the restaurant was successful? Thinking of the service he had had there, he frowned. Probably a zombie apocalypse or something. He quickly abandoned this unhappy tangent of thought and went back to polishing.

*In a completely different universe*

Twilight Sparkle lifted up a wrench with her horn as she surveyed her work. It was in the shape of a simple door, oval-shaped and large, but made of metal. Behind it was a vast machine, with plenty of technological arrays, gears and pumps. Today was the big day! She would finally see if her work paid off. Spike was fast asleep, and it was the weekend, so the library was closed for the day. She had also invited Pinkie and Rainbow Dash over to see the big experiment (Rainbow was bored that day, and Pinkie was always open for something fun). Speaking of which, where were they? She heard a knock from the door, and zipped down to answer it. Pinkie appeared in the doorway, giggling at some unknown joke. "Hey Twi! Where's that dimensional space-hole thingy? Is that it?" Pinkie stared at a book. "That's a book, Pinkie." Twilight said. Just then, they heard an "INCOMING!" and Rainbow crashed into the doorway, knocking both of them over.

"Rainbow!" Twilight said, surveying the damage. "Sorry Twilight, might've overshot the landing," Rainbow replied apologetically. Fortunately, nothing was broken, so they continued over to the next room in the library, which housed Twilight's workshop and the door. "Wow… You built a door, Twilight!" Pinkie Pie said, evidently impressed. Rainbow smirked. "You brought us over here for a metal door, Twi? Next time I think I'll sleep in." Twilight groaned. "This door can access other universes. The universe we go to might be made of candy, or on fire, or invisible." Pinkie Pie thought for a moment about the last one. "But if it's invisible, how would we know we were there?" Rainbow rolled her eyes. "You wouldn't be able to see anything, duh," she answered.

Twilight flicked a switch and the door lit up yellow, as the pumps started pumping magic into the device. "Let's see, coordinates 12 23 infinity…" she said. "Ooh, where are we going?" Pinkie asked. "A universe just like ours, except Luna is the current monarch. It would be a real educational opportunity." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Boring, egghead, let's go to a universe much more cool." To Twilight's horror, she began messing with the coordinate controls, setting them to '16 4 1960' and so on, and then jumped through. "Catch me if you can!" Rainbow yelled as she jumped. "Ooh, this looks fun!" Pinkie said as she bounced in. Twilight hurriedly scribbled a note and, mustering up her courage, followed them into the dimensional void.

*Back in TF2niverse*

"Gentlemen, I have called you here today to present the final installment of our 'Meet the Team' videos, featuring our beloved arsonist, the Pyro. As part of the effort to convince the poor unfortunates of TeuFort that you are not idiotic mercenaries destroying their buildings and worldly possession with bombs, this has been a tremendous failure, and I blame all of you for not trying hard enough." The Administrator said smugly from her television screen. "Aye, just skip to the bloody movie!" the Demoman said, slurping a little more of his Scrumpy and burping. "Very well," the Administrator said, then cut to the video. Pyro watched, rapt, as footage of his teammates played. "I fear no man," the Heavy said. "But that… thing… It scares me." It was then that Pyro began to notice something was very wrong. Weren't they supposed to make him look cool, and likable to the other team members? "No, I ain't… I ain't talking about that freak," the Scout exclaimed. The real Scout was cringing, almost as if he expected Pyro to attack him. "He's not here, is she?" the Scout in the video questioned, becoming increasingly panicked. The Pyro was almost indignant at this. Scout thought he was a girl? "How do I get this f*ckin thing off?!" The Scout was literally tugging at his microphone, frantically attempting to remove it from his chest. Pyro kicked open a door, flamethrower out and ready. The Pyro gulped. He remembered that day. The video then cut to the Spy, and the Pyro brightened. Surely with the Spy's oratory skill, he would say something good about him, right? "One shudders to imagine what inhumane thoughts lie behind that mask…" the Spy mused, smoking his traditional cigarette. Pyro was now shooting a stream of fire into the air, while buildings burned around him and dramatic music played. The Pyro practically withered in his seat. Or not, he thought to himself. "What dreams of chronic and sustained _cruelty_?" The camera then cut to an animated sequence zooming into the Pyro's mask, presumably into his thoughts. Then it cut to a pastel world, viewed through two eyeholes, where the Pyro was holding a contraption of brass and balloons, and wherever he placed the rainbow, flowers sprung up. His favorite song 'Do You Believe in Magic' was playing. Inside his mask, the Pyro paled. They told him that they wouldn't mention his medication. They said no one need ever know. They lied.

Pyro couldn't bear watching the rest of the video, but he knew if he looked away it was a sign of weakness. So he stared as he skipped happily, giant lollipop in hand (how did they even know about that?) and inserted it into a cherubic version of the BLU Heavy's mouth. It cut back to reality, and the Pyro was chopping the BLU Heavy apart with his axe. He sprayed a stream of bubbles at the Baby Scout as in real life, he shot him with a Scorch Shot. He saw the Medic inside a present, so he straightened the present's top, while in real life he barred the door to a building, the Medic trapped inside and shouting "No!" as the Pyro set the building alight. The baby Spy and Engineer appeared, and Balloonicorn gave them a ride on his back. How did they know about his imaginary friend, too? Pyro wondered worriedly. The cherubs were all there, the whole team, and they were saluting him as he left 'Pyroland', as he had come to call it. The scene cut to reality, and the whole BLU team was running around and screaming as everything around them was lit on fire. The BLU Sniper crashed out of a second-story window to the ground, and grabbed the shoe of someone, screaming "Help!" at them. Pyro remembered this also, but not in this light. No, he remembered the 'Pyroland' version, where the poor Sniper wanted to be rainbow-colored but just couldn't do it himself somehow. The movie cut to a scene of the Pyro tilting his head as he burned the Sniper to death, and then to the ending credits. Pyro relaxed inside his suit. Finally, it was over. The ending scene then cut again to a scene of Pyro walking towards the sunset in Pyroland, and transitioned to reality as the BLU Soldier fell over, clutching his heart that had just fallen out while the buildings burned around him, and Pyro in the movie whistled softly to 'Do You Believe in Magic'.

The entire team was speechless. "Meeting adjourned," the Announcer said, turning off the television. Everyone but Pyro immediately made muttered excuses and left the room, leaving only Pyro and Medic. "I am sorry, Pyro, but… I promised zem not to tell you," Medic said as he too left. The Pyro stared at the television screen. How could they have said those things about him? How could the makers of the video show his special place, where he could play forever and not have to worry about how he had no money, no job, no anything… The Pyro put his masked head in his gloved hands. What would he do now?

Back up at the respawn room, a conversation was taking place. "Oh man, we're dead. We are SO FREAKING DEAD," the Scout panicked, practically flying across the room as he got his stuff together. "If we're lucky, we'll live for about a week," the Spy muttered, loading his revolver and sharpening his knife. "I had no part in that video," the Engineer muttered. "An' if ya'll didn't want him to come after ya, maybe ya shouldn't have said all that in the first place. You knew she was gonna come after ya eventually." The Medic groaned. "For ze last time, ze Pyro is male." The Scout looked at him. "Yeah, like you would know!" Then the Scout thought about what he had just said. Part of Medic's job was to take them apart and put gizmos in them like the UberCharge device, so he probably did know. "…Nevermind." He said begrudgingly. "Speaking of which, where is our beloved friend. He's late," the Spy commented. "Maybe he is resting. We are lucky men if so." The Heavy answered, cleaning his minigun.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – The Magic of Murder**

Twilight slowly awoke. She was in a white room, with a strange locker on her left and other strange devices and such on her right. Where was she? She looked around.

Nothing to tell her if she was in Equestria or somewhere else. Explosions and yelling could be heard outside, until a tall… thing burst into the metal doorway (it moved

up?) shouting "MEDIC!" in a distinct accent. Then it looked at Twilight, apparently just noticing her for the first time. Twilight also looked at this new creature, frightened

but a little curious.

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It was roughly three or four times her size, bipedal, quite probably male, and wearing outlandish clothes with a seemingly red theme. A Western hat was atop its head,

and it wore orange glasses. It was wearing a red shirt with what appeared to be a target emblem on the shoulder, and a brown vest, and it carried the strangest

thing Twilight had ever seen. A metal tube was attached to parts of wood, and there was a complex mechanism at the back where he was holding it, finger on the

trigger uncertainly. "…'Ello?" the Sniper queried, shocking Twilight. These things spoke! In her language! "Hi," she finally answered. "My name's Twilight Sparkle."

Sniper simply stared. "…What's your name?" Twilight continued uncomfortably. "Well, my real name's a bit of a secret, but mates round here call me the Sniper," he

answered, just as uncomfortably. "No offense, but… Am I see'in right? Are you a talkin' purple horse?" At this, Twilight felt affronted. "Excuse me, but I am a pony, sir,"

she replied, irritated. "Right…" the Sniper said, unconvinced that this was not merely a very odd dream of his.

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"What's going on here?" Twilight asked, again looking around as though hoping to find a sign. "Well, it's complicated…" the Sniper said as he launched into a long-

winded and very Australian explanation of "red" and "blue" teams and "Twofort" and "fighting". That last word caught Twilight's attention. "Why are you fighting, did

someone upset you?" she asked. "Well, no, we're fighting over land claims and such, gravel pits, towns…" Sniper saw Twilight's uncomprehending look. "We're

mercenaries," he finished. Twilight brightened. "Wow, I've never met a real mercenary before, this is just like some of the books I read!" Sniper laughed. "Books…right.

Well, I'd best be getting' back to my post. Those bloody idiots ain't gonna snipe themselves. Nice meetin' you and all." He exited the room. "Well, I certainly want to find

out what's going on," Twilight muttered. She gathered all her courage and started out that strange metal door.

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Rainbow, of course, had run at the first sight of these strange creatures and their metal sticks of death. She flew high up into the air, and watched from a distance.

One in particular caught her eye. It was one of the red-shirted ones, carrying some sort of blue briefcase, and evidently running for his life. "DOC! C'mon, man!" she

faintly heard as he sprinted into the red-colored building. He was fast. Really fast, Rainbow thought to herself. How did he do it? He had two legs, and no wings, and

yet he was outrunning everyone else. She almost wanted to meet him, but reminded herself that if these things were busy killing eachother so obsessively, they would

probably just kill her on sight. Speaking of which, that red one had just reappeared. It was doing something with it's belt… Dash swooped in for a closer look, still too

far away for any of the creatures to see her as more than a black dot against the sunlight. It took out a small red and yellow can, and drank whatever was inside, a

look of satisfaction on it's face. Then, Dash watched in amazement as it zoomed, seemingly faster than any eye but hers could see, right back into the blue building.

Whatever that can was, it made him… almost as fast as she was. He zoomed back with that same briefcase (how many of them were there?) and down to what Dash

thought might be an underground part of the building, where none of the other creatures were.

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Alright, go time, Rainbow thought to herself. She swooped down faster than anyone could see and landed right in front of the creature, battle stance at the ready.

"Whoa, what the!" Scout cried as a blue pony with wings and rainbow-colored hair appeared out of nowhere in front of him. "You can talk?!" Rainbow said, almost

accusingly. "I could say the same for you! Where did you – How are you - ?!" Scout replied, still in shock. "My name, since you were probably asking, is Rainbow Dash.

The fastest pony alive?" Rainbow said proudly. Scout mentally shrugged, feeling that there wasn't much he could do about the talking pony with wings, and grinned. He

took out a can of that same orange stuff from earlier. "Oh yeah? There's a room in the blue building, same as this one. Race you there!" Rainbow grinned. "Oh, it is SO

on – ?!" Scout had already disappeared, running as fast as he could. Rainbow quickly shuffled her wings and sped off.

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Pyro was still deep in thought about his video, while he was in Pyroland. It was an anonymous interview, so those were his teammates' true feelings about him and his

personality. That, and judging how quickly they left, they were very scared of him. Pyro felt sad. He didn't want them to be scared. He wanted them to be the friends

that he never had. He colored a BLU Sniper in rainbows and the Sniper immediately laughed, clutching his baby chest for some reason, and fell to the floor, basking in

the warm sunshine that came from Pyro's special toy. Pyro would have smiled, but it didn't matter. He decided that the mission was ending soon, and besides, Scout

was on his way. He'd get the intelligence. Whistling a familiar tune unconsciously, Pyro made his way back to RED base to restock on ammo for his toys. He got to the

spawn, and decided to use the one to the left, nearest the RED Sniper who was, for some reason, even more disgruntled than usual. Pyro ignored him, and found the

room. And stared.

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A glowing purple hole was on the wall. Pyro looked at it, watching the swirls. "Mission ends in thirty seconds!" the Announcer said, as though to snap Pyro back to

reality (well, half-reality, anyway). He looked around, as though hoping to see some form of joke present. Finding none, he shrugged and restocked his stuff, and

cautiously stepped through the portal. Little did he know he was being watched by a certain pink pony, hidden in the rafters.

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Scout arrived at the intel room. No one was there, especially not that blue pony. Did she get lost? He wondered, momentarily concerned. Then he shrugged, and almost

grabbed the intel, only to find that a blue, familiar face was grinning at him. "Beat ya!" Rainbow laughed. "What?!" Scout said angrily. "How fast 'those wings take ya?!"

Rainbow thought. "From there to here? Ten seconds flat," she answered proudly. Scout noticed shouts of "Incoming!" coming from one of the corridors, and whipped

out his Force-A-Nature. "Gotta go, got a round to win. Nice race, see ya later!" Scout said on his way out. Rainbow followed, not wanting to meet anyone who thought

she had stolen their stuff.

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"Victory!" the Announcer cried, and the RED Team congratulated themselves, Scout at the forefront. "Yeah man, that was all' you." He said to the team, with hi-fives all

around. They retired for the day, cleaning their weapons and hats. Scout noticed the Pyro was strangely absent, and that Sniper was grumbling more than usual. "Hey,

Snipes, you seen Pyro?" Scout asked, looking around as though Pyro was hidden in the walls. "Nah. But the things I've seen, mate…" Sniper answered, putting his face

in his hands. "Whatsa' matter, talkin' ponies?" Scout said, making it seem like a joke. This was an old favorite tactic of his to figure out if anyone else knew what he did,

without making it seem like he was crazy if they didn't. The Sniper looked up at him. "How'd you…?" Scout grinned. "Come on out, Rainbow." A blue face emerged from

a rafter, and the entire team looked up. "Er… hi?" Rainbow said, for once as shy as Fluttershy. "…Look at tiny baby pony?! Is tiny! Tinier than baby-man Scout!" Heavy

said after a moment, laughing uproariously. "Yeah, well at least they ain't bigger than your gut, fatty." Scout answered. "What in God's name…" Spy said, studying the

thing. "Well, I'll be jiggered," muttered the Engineer, almost dropping his weapon in shock. "Hey, Twilight, get over here, I don't think I can take all this admiration,"

Rainbow said proudly, fluffing out her wings to impress them further. Twilight released her invisibility spell, revealing herself right next to Soldier, who jumped about a

foot.

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"Scout, Sniper, what in sam' hell did y'all do?!" Engie demanded. "Nothin!" Scout protested. Twilight gave a small cough. "I did this, actually. It was part of an

experiment to see if there were other universes, and we ended up in yours." Rainbow half-grinned sheepishly. "My bad." Heavy looked at Twilight, causing her to

cringe upon the sight of this mountain of a man. "You from another world?" he said. "Well, yes, I mean…" Twilight responded, again quailing under Heavy's look. "Prove

it," Heavy demanded. Rainbow got up and motioned for the team to follow, and they did so.

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They came to the other spawn room, where the portal was. "Well, goodnight Irene!" Engie said happily. "Look at this technology, if I had anythin' like this…" Twilight

smiled proudly, while Rainbow and Scout groaned. Scout leaned over to Dash and whispered "Eggheads, I tell ya'," and Rainbow tried not to burst into laughter. Engie

noticed something strange. "Hey, get a look at this!" he said. A flare from Pyro's flare gun was right next to the portal. "You don't think… Hey, purple pony. Can

someone go back through this hole?" Scout asked worriedly. "Yes, it was designed to work both ways in case we needed an escape… why?" Twilight asked, ignoring

the lack of use of her name. "Crikey! Pyro's in your world, then!" Sniper said, paling. Twilight immediately started panicking at the thought. "They'll arrest him if he goes

in there with weapons! He'll be thrown into the dungeon for sure!" Rainbow put a hoof over her shoulder. "Relax, Twi, we'll get back and explain." Twilight turned to

her, even more worried. "But we need Pinkie to get back!" They heard a violent *THUD* as something slammed into the door. Then the door opened, and Pinkie

appeared. "Did someone call my name?" she said. "Another one? How many of you are there?" Spy asked, concerned. "A couple thousand," Twilight answered

nervously. She turned to the rest of the team, who were loading up their weapons. "What are you doing?" she asked. "We're getting' our buddy back," Engie

answered. "See, we did him a great insult recently, and now we're repayin' it by gettin' him outa jail."

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**A/N: Next chapter: Equestria vs. RED Team!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 – Welcome to Not Pyroland**

Pyro woke up slowly, groaning. The first thing he saw was a small purple-and-green, reptilian thing leaning over him. The second thing he saw was his flamethrower,

propped against the wall. Ignoring the weird reptile thing, Pyro rushed over and grabbed it, frantically inspecting it to see if it was clean. He was only interrupted when

the dragon (for that was what it must have been) breathed a green spurt of fire right next to him, a letter appearing out of the fire. Pyro looked back confusedly to find

him reading the letter. "Dear Twilight, we have sent over military forces to apprehend possible hostile. Detain it until they arrive. Your faithful teacher, Princess

Celestia." Spike didn't know what half those words meant, but got the gist of it: Don't let this giant, mumbling monster leave the house.

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To his dismay, the Pyro went to do just that. It looked at the stairs, and as if deciding that they were too small for it, it swung over the railing of the second floor and

dropped down, making a small noise of pain as it landed. "Hey!" Spike said as he rushed down the stairs. "You're not allowed to leave!" Pyro tilted his head, raised his

flamethrower, and clicked the trigger. A roar of flame engulfed the dragon. Pyro stopped after about a second, as he didn't want to waste good propane, and left,

leaving a blackened but otherwise unharmed Spike to stare after the thing that had just breathed fire from the machine it held.

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How did Pyro know he wasn't killing the dragon with fire? To be honest, he had no clue. He assumed dragons were resistant to fire because that was the way it

worked, both in Pyroland and the Demoman's various mythologies and drunk stories. As he walked, he noticed he was next to a farm. On the farm were apple trees,

and on the trees were ripe, delicious-looking apples. Pyro's stomach rumbled as if to remind him that he hadn't ate anything in a while. He reached out over the fence

to touch one, when… "Hold it right there!" a voice came from behind him. Pyro swiveled around, staring. Here was a bright, colorfully orange pony, with an accent

reminding him of the Engineer and a cowboy hat on her head. She had a small mark on her flank with an image of three apples, so Pyro assumed she owned the place.

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"Now just what are ya, and what in tarnation are y'all doin' with mah apples?" Applejack questioned angrily. The strange thing in front of her mumbled something in

response. "I don't know what yer' sayin', but it sure sounds like you were about to steal an apple. From mah farm. You got any money to pay for that?" she asked,

scaring Pyro. He frantically shook his head. Applejack relaxed a bit. "You ain't from around here, are ya?" she asked, calmer. Pyro nodded his head, calmed by her

sudden change of demeanor. "Lemme show ya around, seein' as you seem to be some sorta' smart." She trotted off down the path, and Pyro reluctantly followed.

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"So, what's that fancy machine you got there?" Applejack questioned. In answer, Pyro raised his flamethrower and pointed it at the sky. A column of flame issued from

the end, leaving Applejack to stare. "Well, I'll be jiggered," she said. "You're a right proper dragon, you are! Wait until I show Big Mac that," she chuckled. Pyro giggled

a little as well. If this was what every pony here was like, he could get used to this. He had also completely forgotten about the fact that the military was looking for

him.

*TF2niverse, 2Fort*

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After a few hours of careful preparation (being that it was the end of the day, and everyone's guns needed cleaning), the rest of RED Team, as well as Pinkie, Twilight

and Rainbow were ready to go back through the portal. While the rest of the team weren't looking, Medic slapped the Sandvich out of Heavy's giant hand and placed a

Dalokoh's Bar there instead. Heavy looked at him angrily; after all, Sandvich was delicious! "Herbivores," Medic whispered in response to Heavy's unspoken question,

and Heavy nodded, understanding. "Let's GO, mates!" the Sniper yelled, causing the two to look up guiltily. To their surprise, most of the team had already left, and the

three ponies and Sniper were staring at them expectantly. "Doctor! This way!" Heavy said, shoving the Medic out of the way to get to the portal, which somehow fit

him in. "Right," the Medic said after brushing himself off, and jumped in. The Sniper followed suit. Finally, the three ponies looked at eachother. "Hurry up, slowpokes,"

Dash said, flying into the portal. Pinkie bounced in soon after, and Twilight followed, nervous.

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Pyro surveyed the barn in which he was currently housed. The Apples had no spare rooms, but it was fine by Pyro. After all, he'd slept in worse. He heard a knock on

the door of their house, and curiously wandered over to the barn door, and peeked through. He saw a white pony in what looked like a guard uniform discussing

something with Applejack, who nodded nervously and pointed to the barn. Pyro stiffened. He had to go. NOW. He found the back door and rushed out, quietly shutting

the door behind him. He heard the guard's shout of dismay at sighting him, but didn't care. He ran as fast as he could down the path, the guards in hot pursuit.

Fortunately, he hadn't even put down his flamethrower for a minute, so it was still ready. Pyro turned around, running backwards, as the ponies began to get a little

too close for comfort. He hated doing this, it wasted valuable pressure in his tanks. Pressing a small button located next to the flamethrower's trigger, he released a

compression blast, knocking all of the ponies into the sky and fences, incapacitating most. He then turned around and continued running.

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He didn't stop for one second until he reached a forest. It was a dark, creepy forest, a major contrast from the sunny day he had just left. Pyro wasn't really concerned,

as he had heard none of the 'creepy stuff in the forest' stories, and wandered in. Little did he know he was being watched.

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"Hostile has gone into Everfree Forest. Risk pursuit, or abandon mission?" A guard with binoculars said to his captain. "Abandon mission, we can't risk anypony in

there," the captain Shining Armor answered, surveying the forest. "It'll have to come out eventually, and when it does, it will tell me where my sister is."

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Scout woke up to see a small, purple dragon glaring at him, book raised threateningly. "Whoa, what-!" Scout said as he jumped to his feet. Then he realized how small

the thing was. "Ha, you ain't scary," Scout lied as he tried to brush off the incident as trivial. He picked the thing up, and it yelled "Put me down!" Scout nearly dropped

it, then set it back down carefully. "What the hell are you, anyways?" Scout said cautiously. "Aye, that be a dragon, mate, I always told 'ja they was real and…

Scotland… Lake," Demoman finished, sitting up a little before slumping back down . "Does he always do that?" Spike asked after a pause. "Yeah, he's drunk. REALLY

drunk." Scout answered.

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**A/N: Shorter chapters. Anyway, Pyro's on the run, and most of the team just arrived, and are out cold. What else will happen? Anyway, review so I can keep **

**telling you what happens.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 – Friend or Fiend?**

Pyro was naturally quite calm, in front of the campfire he had built. Fire, at least, couldn't really surprise you. You always knew where you stood with fire. Whereas

people… he'd known them to be very different from day to day. He heard a commotion some distance up the path he came, and quickly hopped into the woods. "He

was just here, there's a campfire!" one of them hollered. One of their horns quickly began to emit light, and to Pyro it looked like a searchlight. He now ran further

along the path, abandoning his campfire in favor of safety.

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He looked around. Looked like he had lost those guards. Pyro heard something down the trail, and cautiously approached. He came upon a strange pony with stripes

all over it and a brown hood and wicker basket, apparently gathering plants. "And who would be so foolish or brave, as to enter the forest to seek the freedom they

crave? Approach, strange red, but be you wary, the things in this forest can be… scary," the zebra (and Pyro realized it was a zebra) beckoned. Pyro stepped out of the

shadows and stood there, getting a better look at the pony. "Zecora is my name, and it is the forest I tame." Zecora answered to Pyro's unspoken question. Pyro

cheerfully mumbled in return. "I see, you do not wish to reveal your face; such may be wise, as you are of a strange race." Zecora replied, smiling. Pyro smiled,

although he knew no one could see. He liked this pony, she reminded him of the Demoman somehow. And… there went his happiness. 'Meet the Pyro'. Pyro mumbled

something that could be interpreted as 'Bye!' and went on his way.

Right into a net.

Pyro tripped and stumbled as he was caught up in the net. "Mmph – mmph mph!" he attempted to shout through his mask. "Gotcha, renegade," one of the ponies said,

and Pyro felt something pressing in on him from all sides, causing him to lose consciousness.

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The Sniper groaned. "That was the weirdest bloody dream I've ever had, including that time I slept on an Indian burial ground," he muttered. "It's only getting worse,

jar man." The Spy said behind him. Sniper jumped to his feet and searched for a weapon, finding none. The Spy smiled, knowing he had gotten the best of Sniper for

the moment, handed him his kukri. Sniper frowned and looked around. They were in a wooden house, which appeared to be part tree. Scout was looking at him

expectantly. "Whaddawe do, Snipes? Pyro was here, 'cause I see a scorch mark down by the door, but not anymore. Where would we loo-" Scout was cut off by a

cacophony of noises just outside whatever house they were in. Sniper grabbed his hat, and prodded Engie awake, quickly explaining. "What in sam hell-" Engie began.

He caught sight of the commotion outside, and ran out the door.

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"PYRO!" Engie yelled, running as fast as he could. There were multiple white-colored ponies around the Pyro, who was in a net and wasn't moving. Scout and Sniper

quickly followed. "More of them?!" a guard pony whispered to Shining Armor, who was overseeing the operation. "Stay calm. They might not be hostile." Shining

whispered back, then turned to face the tall thing. "Do you know this masked arsonist?" he asked the one with the hard hat. "Sure as hell do, that's our buddy," Engie

replied. "Y'all gonna let him go?" Shining shook his head. "Can't, you can't get away with arson in this country. Not even if he's your friend." Sniper growled. "What the

bloody hell did he 'arson', anyway?" Engie took Sniper aside and pointed at Twilight's house's door and immediate front area, still scorched and smoking from Pyro's

blast of flame. "…Right," the Sniper said, groaning a little. Trust Pyro to never make things easy. "Do you know where my sister is?" the one who looked like the leader

asked. Just then, Twilight came running out of her home. "Big bro!" she yelled, embracing him. "Twily! Where have you been? We heard your friends Rainbow and

Pinkie went missing as well! Did these things hurt you?" Shining whispered the last question. "Ey, what the-" Scout began, but was cut off by a look from Sniper. "I'm

fine, BBBFF. I was in their world, and so were Pinkie and Rainbow, and none of us got hurt." Shining straightened up, aware that he was in front of his fellow guards.

"Anyway, we will have to put this guy away while we figure out just what to do. You other things haven't done anything too bad yet, so you're good to go as long as

you take it easy with those weapons of yours." Shining said, and his troop marched off, Pyro in tow. "Damn dag nabit dammit!" Engie exclaimed angrily.

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When Pyro woke up, he was in a small cell. Way too small, in fact, for him, as he could barely stand up. So he sat down, and reached for his- Wait. Where was his

Scorch Shot? He was sure he packed it. Where was his flamethrower? He couldn't stand being without his flamethrower. He didn't worry about his Axetinguisher, as he

could always make another one (provided he stole some more barbed wire). So, no fire. How to get out, then? Pyro's thoughts were interrupted by a voice, presumably

from the cell next to him.

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"What are you in for?" it grumbled. It was distinctly feminine, and had an odd buzzing quality, as though the speaker were part insect. "Mmph, mmph mph mmphmph,

mph-" "Fine, you can't talk. Just as well, not much we could discuss other than being imprisoned," the voice answered. "Listen," it continued. "It looks like you have

pretty long arms. Could you reach that set of keys on the far wall, unlock yourself, and then unlock me?" Pyro thought, and eventually nodded. He'd escaped the police

more than once. "Mmph!" he said. He reached over, straining to fit his baggy suit through the cell bars. Fortunately, the far wall wasn't all that far (probably due to the

size of these ponies in the first place) and he eventually grabbed the ring of keys off their hook.

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He then reached around, painfully bending his arm, and unlocked his cell door. "The guards are on lunch break, now unlock me," the voice demanded. It was fairly dark

in the cell, so Pyro couldn't see who he was unlocking. But, he felt like he owed whoever it was, and unlocked the door. He felt a presence brush past him, pecking him

on the cheek as it went. "Thanks, big boy. By the way? Name's Queen Chrysalis, and you have just made my day." The dark thing then flitted off, presumably to

wherever it had came from. Pyro lumbered off in search of his stuff.

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"So, Engie, I heard 'ya discussin' 'Meet the Pyro' back at base," Sniper began. "Yeah, what about it?" Engie answered. "Well, if you knew it was gonna be bad, why

didn't you try to stop it?" Sniper asked. Engie sighed, and put his head in his hands. "See, Sniper, Pyro wanted a 'Meet the Team' video from the very beginnin'," Engie

replied. "He was watchin the other vids, and commenting on how they made us look so cool, and he wanted in on that." The Sniper nodded uncertainly. "I wanted to

tell him that the video wouldn't be quite the same, but at the same time, I didn't want to crush his dreams!" Engie finished. Sniper nodded and patted him on the back.

"Ah, ya did good, mate. I wouldn't know what to do either." And with that, the Sniper went off to 'look for some good snipin' perches, just in case.'

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**A/N: Not sure what to say about this chapter. It does star an appearance by the lovely Queen Chrysalis, a touching (maybe not, because I'm terrible at writing) **

**reunion between Twilight and Shining Armor, and Dash and Pinkie are still nowhere to be found. The rest of RED Team are sleeping (With the exception of the **

**Demoman, he's in a drunk coma. So, business as usual for him).**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 – Invasion**

Pyro was beginning to get bored. The dungeons were huge, and half the time some prisoner or other was begging him for escape. He ignored them, consumed by his

search for his flame-shooting buddy. It wasn't anywhere close to here, was it? He was probably going the wrong way. Was he? It would be handy to have a map. Just

then, a guard walked across the corridor, reading a scroll of parchment and muttering to himself. "The armory is here, C-block here… How am I going to memorize this?"

the pony said, his voice much younger-sounding than those of the rest. Pyro tensed.

What would Spy do in this situation? Well, he'd… backstab the guard, grab the map, disguise, and run. And then Pyro would burn him for being mean. Hmm. This plan

needed some more thinking – the guard was coming this way! Pyro ducked into a patch of shadow, barely visible. As the pony walked by, Pyro was seized by a very

sudden, incredibly stupid idea. He stuck his foot out and tripped the pony, who landed on his face with a loud 'Oof!" Pyro grabbed the map and ran.

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Shining Armor was certainly not having a good day. Firstly, he had to deal with a mentally insane arsonist. Then, the mentally insane arsonist's friends, who were all

also murderers, showed up demanding his release. Then the mentally insane arsonist escaped. Wait…WHAT? "Could you repeat that?" Shining Armor said to his

advisor. "The arsonist has escaped sir… and so has Queen Chrysalis. Shining Armor went to polish his armor, an often-used stress reliever these days. This day in

particular had just gone from bad to much, much worse.

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Chrysalis, on the other hand, was practically jubilant as she soared through the night skies, practically invisible due to her camouflage. She swooped down, knowing

nopony could see her… and was quickly grabbed by an unseen appendage and slammed to the ground. To her shock, a creature materialized in front of her. It was

wearing a formal red suit, a mask over its face, and was smoking a cigarette. It looked at her, almost bored. "I could have you killed, you know." Spy said, flicking his

cigarette and lighting a new one. "You wouldn't dare." Chrysalis said in hushed tones. The Spy seemed to be thinking for a second. "I won't tell if you don't." He

released her, and she soared off, quickly turning invisible for a second. Spy, on the other hand, thought to himself. Why did he release that obvious threat? Perhaps it

was out of respect for a fellow entrepreneur of shapeshifting with the purpose of infiltrationary actions. Spy smiled at his little joke, then checked his watch (his actual

watch). "Mon dieu!" he muttered to himself. It was time for his beauty rest!

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Pyro was now on his way to the armory, as he assumed that's where his weapons and stuff would be. No guards were present, strangely enough. Maybe they were

asleep? Pyro felt like it should be nighttime… Anyway, he was coming up on a dead end, with a small steel door. On it was printed "Armory" in small letters. Pyro looked

around. No guards, still. So, how to get through this door? Pyro looked around once more, and making sure he was alone, carefully began tugging at one of his gloves.

A minute later, he was through the door. And, lying on the table, was his new Scorch Shot, Flamethrower (with the Backburner attachment beside it, removed for some

odd reason) and Axetinguisher, all cleaned of blood and scorch marks and in pristine condition. He picked each weapon up, carefully examining it for any blemishes, and

finally cradled his flamethrower in his arms. It was back! His precious toy was back!

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Shining Armor had been running around for the better part of the night, rousing any and every guard, as well as the two princesses, to warn of the escape of the two

current most dangerous criminals in Equestria. The changeling had obviously gone home, to gather her own troops. The arsonist… No one knew where it was. It had

seemingly disappeared before their eyes, and right now, Chrysalis was the far more threatening entity. A knock on the door sounded, and Shining Armor assumed his

commanding voice and said "Come in." A younger guard trotted in, obviously disheveled. Shining had heard about this guard shortly earlier. He had gotten attacked by

the arsonist, and his map of the prison had been stolen. Presumably the arsonist was escaping, or had already escaped. But where would he go?

All the usual enchantments were in place. Canterlot Castle was as fully protected as magic allowed for that moment. But the changelings were gathering again, an

ominous dark cloud moving toward them. Or-down?

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Spy finished recanting his story to the rest of the team, with the exception of the Demoman, who was still passed-out drunk as usual. "So… why exactly are you telling

us if you promised her not to tell anyone?" Scout asked. The Spy stared at him, and the two chuckled. Twilight took note of the almost friendly way the two bantered. It

was almost like they were family. Just then, the Heavy burst in. He'd been polishing his minigun in the next room of Twilight's house. Only one word was needed.

"INCOMING!" Heavy said as frantically as he could. Immediately, the other seven grabbed their weapons. "Incoming what?" Twilight said, lost in the frenzy of

mercenaries and guns and hats. "INCOMING WHAT?!" she repeated louder. "These… things, insect-like versions of your 'ponies'", the Spy answered darkly. Twilight

gulped. Changelings.

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The group ran outside, to find that a tan pony with gray hair was waiting for them. "Hello, I'm the mayor of Ponyville," she said breathlessly, taken aback at the sight of

so many weapons. "Da," Heavy answered cautiously. "All the guards are at Canterlot, and we need help. Will you defend the town?" she continued, pleading. "How

much will ya pay us?" Scout immediately demanded. "What?!" Twilight said, affronted. "We're mercs, it's what we do," Soldier answered, loading rockets into his

launcher. "We'll pay you whatever you want, just please help us. There's literally hundreds of them." Spy looked at Heavy. "Remember Wave 666? Gray Mann teamed

up with Merasmus and reanimated over 800 of our corpses?" Heavy grinned. "Dis is piece of cake compared to dat."

Finally, the team was ready. There was no countdown, no setup time. There were only seven of them (Demoman having been roused just in time). Most of the

population of Ponyville was behind them. And they would defend it to the death if they had to.

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**A/N: So much action-packing! Review, comment, and stuff so I can get started on the next chapter!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 –Pyro breaks things**

It had been a long day. RED team was exhausted, but at least the horde of changelings seemed to be ebbing slightly. Just then, the very sky was blotted out by a

huge horde of changelings. "I don't tink we vill be able to do this," Heavy said worriedly. Fluttershy squeaked in fear, hiding behind him. "…Fall back!" Sniper said,

taking on the role of acting commander. "Get these ponies to safety, NOW!" The team quickly hustled to escort the ponies to the relative safety of Canterlot.

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Six molten doors later, Pyro was beginning to think this was a waste of fuel. How big was this dungeon, anyway? And why did he hear the sounds of fighting outside?

Wait. He could hear the outside. That meant he was very close to the outside. He followed the direction of the sound until he came to a corridor with a huge steel door,

slightly ajar. It looked as if Pyro could just squeeze through with his baggy suit. After a solid minute of stretching and panting, Pyro finally popped out onto the other

side, gasping for air through his gas filters.

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Pyro looked around him, and saw the familiar sights and sounds of war. All around him, these strange variants of this place's inhabitants were attacking, and the

bright, colorful ponies in golden armor that had been so mean to him were running… away. Pyro was confused; shouldn't they be fighting? He felt pretty angry towards

the whole sorry lot; the new black bug things for attacking and the regular ponies for not bothering to defend and capturing him in the first place. Calm down, take a

pill, Pyro… he thought, reaching out with his tongue for the stash of medication he kept inside his air filter. Wait. He had just remembered this medication did… did…

Suddenly Pyro felt happy. Really happy. In fact, he looked down and saw that everything was just golden.

" Do you believe in magic… "

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An hour later, they were waiting in the throne room. Hundreds of ponies were gathered there, looking anxious, and RED Team was covering as many entrances to the

room as they could. Rarity looked around. "Where is that dashing rogue of yours in the suit and tie?" she asked Soldier. "Right behind you," the Spy said as he

uncloaked and quickly recloaked. Rarity jumped. "Well then, that is no way to-" Rarity never finished her sentence, as at that moment a familiar changeling burst onto

the scene.

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"Well, hello there!" Queen Chrysalis nodded to Celestia, using her magic to instantly bind and gag her. Luna suffered the same, as well as Cadance and Shining Armor,

all of the Mane 6 and RED Team short of Spy, who was still somewhere unknown. The crowd of ponies were too stunned to react. "I'd love to chat, because I know we

have so much to catch up on, but I have a kingdom to overrun!" She then looked at RED Team, who were still conveniently chained to the wall, and seemed to be

thinking. "You look like the person that freed me. Baggy clothes, couldn't see the face, but still… the resemblance is striking. Is he one of yours?" The Scout, bored with

villainous speeches, looked out the window. And screamed.

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Visible was the RED Pyro, skipping his merry way to Canterlot while all around him, both changelings and Equestrian guards were running away screaming. "Yes, that's

the one," Chrysalis pointed out. "Well, as long as he kills as many guards as changelings, I'm not too worried. We can always make more of us if the hive so desires,"

she boasted. "Is it me, or does Pyro look a little… different to you?" Sniper muttered to the Engie. Meanwhile, Princess Celestia was struggling to escape the strange

green substance that bound her to the floor. "You'll never get away with this!" she shouted. "Oh, trust me, I will. Not even the Elements of Harmony can combat all the

energy I'm sucking from you," Chrysalis said.

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Pyro was dancing and singing with the new friends he had made, and both the ponies and the bug-thingies were dancing along. His golden toy was doing as well,

never seeming to run out of rainbows. He looked up and saw a gigantic castle, flags streaming from the banners. That seemed like a good place to have fun! Plus, it

looked a little drab. Rainbows would fix that right up…

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Chrysalis wasn't worried in the slightest. She'd just reveal that she was the prisoner the Pyro helped escape, lie that Celestia had chained the RED Team up, and

then… they would become the best of 'friends'. She grinned as he continued to chase a guard, who was practically crying as he ran. Shining Armor was looking horrified

at the loss of so many of his stallions. Cadance was comforting him as well as she could, but to no avail.

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As Pyro continued his dance, he felt inexplicably drawn towards a particular direction. His toy got mad at him if he tried to go anywhere else, and shut off. So, trusting

his toy, he went that way. Soon enough, he came to a small back door to the castle, ajar. Pyro stepped through, and continued dancing happily through the corridors.

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Shortly, he came upon a large door. It was made of gold, with intricate markings. And his toy was, very explicitly, telling him to go through that door. He tried opening

it, but it was obviously locked. The only semblance of an opening mechanism was a small hole right in the center, with a sunburst pattern radiating from it, ending in six

differently-colored gems. Pyro shrugged, as gold was no problem. He could melt gold.

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One minute later, the door was only so much molten scrap. Behind it was a simple chest, tightly closed. With some effort, Pyro wedged it open. Inside were five golden

necklaces, each with a different crystal on them, and a golden tiara with the same. Pyro was initially upset at his toy. He had ruined a perfectly good door for jewelry?

Well, at least his toy was looking out for his economic interests. Just then, he had a thought. Engie had often talked of 'crafting', and Pyro had used this system himself

a rare few times. All he had to do was place his toy next to the six pieces of jewelry, close his eyes, and think 'Craft it!' in his head, and Mann Co. supposedly did the

rest. So, he did just that, as his toy instructed him to. _'Craft it!' _he thought. He opened his eyes… and was amazed.

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His toy didn't look so shiny and dreamy now. It looked… _real. _It was exactly as Pyro had imagined, down to the last golden rivet. He smiled joyfully at his restored toy,

and left the room.

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***RED Pyro has crafted: **_**The Rainblower**_*****

**A/N: Mon dieu, this has been the single longest hiatus I have ever gotten away with.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 – Making Up for the Past**

Chrysalis was getting impatient. That red, mumbling monster seemed to be actively targeting changelings, as the royal guards were strangely unaffected by whatever

rainbow concoction its weapon was spewing out.

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Spy was simply not having a good day. After going through an interdimensional portal to meet a land of bright, talking ponies, he was now stuck wondering what

would be the correct moment of attack. He presumed Pyro was heading straight for them, as it/he was making a beeline for the castle. Pyro… Spy disliked Pyro. Sure,

the fire-loving maniac wasn't responsible for his actions, but Pyro seemed to go out of his way to target Spy, somehow knowing where he was and seeing through his

disguise. Perhaps it was practice, perhaps intuition. Either way, Spy was consistently losing his many, many duels with Pyro over the course of their occupancy of Mann

Co. jobs, and he hated losing.

Reflecting on this, Spy noticed something: the changelings were, in fact, changelings. This didn't really come as a surprise to Spy, but it was interesting to watch how

they fought. They disguised as regular ponies, and behaved much like he did. Pyro didn't seem to notice or care, mowing down everything in his path. even when

changelings disguised in front of him. Speaking of which, Spy noticed something odd about Pyro's flamethrower. He couldn't quite make it out from this high up, but it

looked oddly shinier. And, for the oddest reason, familiar. He resolved to take a closer look…

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Back in the main chamber, everyone heard a distinctly French scream a few doors down. "What in the Hive?!" Chrysalis exclaimed. "Go figure out what that was," she

ordered her two guards. She didn't want any surprises to get in the way of her soon-to-be feast on the love of all these trapped ponies.

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Pyro just couldn't find an entrance to the castle that wasn't locked. It seemed the cute little bug-things wanted him to find another place to play. Well, his golden toy

disagreed, but the door was solid stone. Pyro didn't do stone, he preferred melting metal, and giving people rainbows to play with. Well…

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"Little insect! I will squash you like bug!" Heavy roared, fed up with being chained to a wall. Chrysalis smiled and gestured. "Have at me, then. Oh wait, you can't –

you're a bit tied up at the moment!" She laughed at her joke, and the rest of the changelings joined in. Chrysalis paced, suddenly frowning and thoughtful. "Why can't

you just leave us alone?" Twilight cried. Chrysalis turned to face her, furious. "Do you really think I came here for power? No! I came here because my changelings are

starving to death! If we just got a little love to feed the young, we'd be fine! But no. Any love we need, we must take by force." Twilight wanted to come up with a

counterargument, but found nothing. And in addition, she began to feel oddly sorry for the changelings.

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Trotsky was quite possibly having the worst day of his life. He was being chased by a mumbling pyromaniac through the halls of the castle, had been robbed earlier,

and reprimanded by Shining Armor for the same theft on top of that. This one fire-eater had caused him so much trouble, and he could do nothing about it. He began to

notice something different, however. Every time the thing's golden weapon touched his flesh, he felt better. No burn marks or anything. But, if he stopped running, it

might pull out a not-as-friendly weapon. Trotsky wisely decided to keep running.

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Tag! Pyro loved tag. He loved being it, he loved running, he loved everything about it. He continued to chase the pony he'd met earlier, map still in one of his pockets.

Didn't it want its map back, anyway? Maybe he had to catch it first? It seemed to be running up a lot of stairs, and Pyro was getting kind of tired.

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Spy was nearly panicking. Pyro somehow got his hands on the actual weapon he had in Meet the Pyro. How did he even do that? Assuming it was a he in the first

place! He couldn't decide where to hide, and thought the safest place might be just behind the doors. When Pyro came in, rainbows blazing, it probably wouldn't think

to turn around. Call me a coward, Spy thought, but I don't want to face the wrath of that maniac.

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Finally, Pyro came across a big set of doors that were glued shut by some sort of sticky green substance. Well, this wasn't even a problem. His toy took care of

everything, including green glowy glue. Pyro giggled – so many "g"'s! He kicked open the door, and burst inside, noting that Spy was disguised and apparently

cowering in fear just behind the doors. Coward. He wasn't that scary… was he? But wait! There was the thing he freed from earlier, and it was speaking to him!

"Hello, friend!" Chrysalis said brightly, while surreptitiously zipping the mouths of RED Team and everyone else shut with her magic. "I was just about to free your

friend from the clutches of these evil ponies, but I need the help of your golden weapon to subdue these fiends!" Pyro was now momentarily confused. Judging by

appearances, the ponies should be good and the bug-things evil. But the ponies imprisoned him and the bug-thing treated him with respect, and without fear.

Meanwhile, Engie was furiously shouting something like "Pie!" over and over again, frantically gesturing with his chained hands at the bug-thing he freed.

Pie?

…Spie?

_Spy._

Pyro understood. He understood everything. These bug-things transformed into friendly faces and tricked you, just like Spy. He assumed he'd been hallucinating… but

it was the same with his first time fighting Spy. He raised his weapon, and for the first time in his life, everyone in the room seemed to understand him.

"_That person is a Spy!"_

Pyro had never felt angrier in his life. He was so angry, he charged straight for Chrysalis, who seemed confident that her spell could deflect his toy. Pyro's plan was

stupid, so incredibly stupid. But it would work. It would work, and no one would ever be afraid of him anymore.

Pyro airblasted Chrysalis straight out the window, and without waiting for her to use her wings, jumped out himself, forcing her to embrace the ever-present gravity of

being six stories up, on top of a mountain. Her screams could be heard the whole way down.

**A/N: At this rate, I could totally work for VALVe. It's been 4.5 months since the last chapter was posted... 4.5 months of nothing but procrastination. Review so I **

**can get off my lazy butt to do more of this.**


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